i am drawing the story.

I've been melancholy lately, to put things lightly, euphemistically, to make me sound uncrazy. To say that I've been moody makes it sound like I'm a silly girl with PMS, which is probably the case, but since when has what your hormones make you feel been any less valid than anything else? It's all hormones and chemicals anyway... it's been my firm belief that what I'm feeling is what I'm feeling, PMS or not, so here I am.

Been reading High Fidelity this weekend. How good it feels to roll around in a book that feels like home or something like it. Sure, the main character is self-absorbed and all that, but he speaks truths at crucial, human moments and that is what makes it all worthwhile. He talks about how the right chord change in the right song will melt your heart and send you on the search for the lover (human or otherwise) who will fit that feeling. When I read passages like that, I know whoever is reading the book will now exactly what he's talking about, including me, and I am grateful that finally somebody has put to words exactly what that stirring of the soul means.

Work, thus far, has been a disaster. I think that I may need to learn to compartmentalize. Finally. I've never understood how people could keep parts of their lives so separate from one another, and I still don't. But I need to learn to leave the office at the office and not dwell on it when I badge out for the day. Fuming about how stifling and pointless my tasks at work are when I'm done with work makes me miserable and unpleasant. I realize now that working a "normal" job would steal my soul in the long run... I am a wholly passionate person, and I need to love everything that I do. I think I would be perfectly happy doing anything but a "regular" office job, whether that means being a waitress, a barista, a teacher or most anything else in this great big world.

I'm helping to teach junior youth classes at the Star of the West Baha'i School and just today I noticed how alive I became when I started truly interacting with the students and guiding them toward an understanding of the concepts we were discussing. The act of sharing knowledge is so revitalizing. I'm beginning to see this now.

I went out on Friday night with a few friends...we were celebrating Priscilla's admission to graduate school (if you're reading this, Miss Priss, congrats again!) and I had such a great time. We went to Jimmy'z and danced for a bit... I've forgotten how dancing out my aggression is the best way for me to deal with my turmoil. We eventually happened upon Prago, where we found a packed cafe with STRENGTH playing and it was actually a really fabulous time. I need to have more times like this during the year or I will go crazy.

*sigh* Wish me luck. Please hope that I find the positive in the things that happen to me, that I find patience, compartmentalization skills and humility in the things that I do...