existence.

Did you lose your virginity in your own bed?
Not so much my bed, but a flattened cardboard box in an alley...



What was your first alcoholic beverage?
It might have been a margarita or a martini... everything got a little blurry after we got to the rave that night.

How old were you when you first smoked weed?
I didn't so much smoke it so much as dealt it from the age of 10 on...

Have you ever lived with your girlfriend/boyfriend?
If by boyfriend/girlfriend, you mean cats, then yes.

Have you ever taken someone back after they've cheated?
At cards? Hell no.

Have you ever thought about killing someone in detail?
No. I'm all about theoretical and vague homicide.

If you married the first person in your text inbox, what would your last name be?
Skeezebucket. Pronounced "Skayz-boo-kay."

Have you ever peed while on the phone?
All the time.

What do you have pierced on you?
Once, at a hockey game, I overheard, "Hey, so are you still going to pierce your hip...?"

What do you have tattooed on you?
My heart.

Do you own porn?
Tons.

Have you ever been on a blind date?
A gentlewoman never tells.

What reality shows do you watch?
I don't really watch them, but I do follow myself around with a video camera and narrate my own life. That counts, right?

When is the last time you saw fireworks?
With that sexy barista the last time I ordered coffee.

Do you remember your first favorite song?
I wanna dance with somebody, whitney houston. Either that or Father Figure by George Michael.

Are you taller than your mom?
I am a giant.

Favorite fruit?
Of the loom.

What was your first screen name?
It's a secret. Mostly because I have early onset Alzheimer's and can't remember.

What are you planning on doing after filling this out?
Eating some food, dancing around my apartment, packing. Getting rid of the bodies in my closet so they don't stink up the place while I'm gone.

Have you dated anyone on your top?
Like my boobs?

What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed?
It wouldn't be the worst thing to ever happen.

Do you sleep on your stomach?
I use it for a pillow sometimes.

Are you dating the last person you kissed?
That's enough of these questions.

Have you ever broken someone's heart?
I'm a heartbreaker.

What are you listening to?
John Mayer. it's not my fault, it's the guy who runs the coffee shop's fault.

Next time you will kiss someone?
Perhaps never when I tell them that I have a herpes outbreak in my mouth.

Have you ever injected a drug?
All the time.

Who are the people you would do anything for?
My fam. My peeps.

Who did you spend the most time with yesterday?
Me & my friends who work at Seattle Grace.

When was the last time you felt like your heart was actually breaking?
It's a condition with me. So all the time.

Do you get along better with the same sex or opposite?
They're both a bunch of crazies.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a C?
Every letter of the alphabet.

Are you happy with your life at the moment?
Always.

What is something you disliked about your day?
When I walk around outside, it feels like I forgot to put on my pants because it's so damn cold. I might as well be walking around pantsless outside.

Last time you talked to your number one?
TOO LONG!!!!! (seriously!)

Would you ever live with anyone on your top friends?
If by live you mean dance with, then hell yes.

Your current relationship status?
Check my myspace or my facebook. It knows better than I do.

Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
Let me sit you down and tell you a little story about adolescence...

Do you currently hate someone?
Only one. And he's dead now, so I guess no.

What are/were you doing at 12 this afternoon?
Buying shit.

Have you ever gotten a sunburn so bad it hurt to move?
Yes.

What is bothering you right now?
Do you really want to go there?

Have you ever read an entire book in one day?
I don't read.

If you could move to Africa, would you?
Maybe not move. I might want to check it out first, make sure I'm not allergic to lions or anything.

How long would it take you to walk home from school?
I don't walk.

What do you have to do tomorrow?
Wake up at 5 in the morning, go to an airport that looks straight out the Jetsons, climb into a steel tube and hurtle miles above the atmosphere at hundreds of miles an hour for about 4 hours.

What were you doing at 9 this morning?
Mentally preparing to run errands, and by that, I mean sleeping.

How's your heart?
I sewed it back together yesterday.

(re)turn.

Well, I'm almost officially finished with my first semester of grad school. It's been terrifying, insanely fun, insanely heartbreaking and, as always, fullfullfull of change.

I find myself longing for my old contexts, for my old spots in Spokane, even for Nevada at times. I miss my good friends, my old friends, the ones who love me no matter how many bad or good decisions I make. I beyond excited to go home to them, in all the places that they are. I feel like liquid without a container frequently. My friends and my family remind me of who I was, remind me of who I am now. I haven't changed that much. I think that since being here, since realizing that applying to MFA programs and moving to Bloomington are the first things in my life that I have done selfishly, entirely for myself -- since I've realized this, I've become more myself.

I'm definitely not who I was six months ago, and I don't make the best decisions, but I'm making decisions. I'm being honest with myself and I'm facing myself. No matter what, I'm in love with my life, and though I wander, I am not lost. And if I am lost, I'm going to enjoy the scenic route, darlings.